No relationship is perfect. For anyone who has been in a
relationship they will know that from time to time problems are going to
crop up. Indeed even the relationships which seem badly broken did not
get there overnight; usually they got there in small steps. Problems
rather than being acknowledged, discussed and sorted are left to slowly
poison the relationship as each or both partners build resentment.
Already we can begin to see the importance of good communication in relationships. Yet a major problem is that the word communication. It is such a general word that while we all know what it means, we rarely have a shared definition of good communication in a relationship.
In a strong relationship, good communication is open and honest. This lets your partner know what is happening for you, how you feel about an issue. Often in relationships we use assumption. We feel that we know our partner well and are able to know what they will be thinking. This takes us to dangerous territory as we base our judgement on something which might be completely erroneous. It is important to understand our partner. In fact one of the most important parts of communication in a relationship is listening. When you or your partner explains their position you should be able to explain it back to them. So make sure if there are bits you don't understand that you ask them. Similarly you should expect no less from them.
Of course the way you discuss issues is important. You should avoid statements which are accusatory. "You always do this to me... " Explain it from your point of view and own what you are saying. "I felt abandoned at the party last night... " The first of these statements might make your partner very defensive and they may feel they have to justify their own position. The second offers the opportunity to discuss the situation and understand how the issue arose. It offers a way for partners to understand each other better and change their behaviour accordingly. Sulking, resentment and temper tantrums will not help the situation, but in a relationship where these have been the norm it can be hard to change habits and you may want to consider a third-party such as a counsellor to help you.
In reality dealing with relationship problems is hard, sometimes it is awkward, yet in reality the strongest relationships are the ones where both partners can communicate effectively with each other and really have a shared responsibility for the issues that arise. There are going to be relationship issues, discussion offers a way to find a compromise acceptable to both. Even when an issue cannot be resolved at least there is the knowledge that you have discussed all the options and that while you may have to accept something unwanted, you have been honest about the problem and both partners understand that you are doing it for the relationship.
In conclusion, learning to communicate effectively in relationships allows you to head off relationship breakdowns, especially when that happens step by step. It offers the opportunity to prevent resentment and ensure that both you and your partner feel fully heard. Conflict may come into every relationship but breakdown need not as long as you learn to communicate effectively.
Already we can begin to see the importance of good communication in relationships. Yet a major problem is that the word communication. It is such a general word that while we all know what it means, we rarely have a shared definition of good communication in a relationship.
In a strong relationship, good communication is open and honest. This lets your partner know what is happening for you, how you feel about an issue. Often in relationships we use assumption. We feel that we know our partner well and are able to know what they will be thinking. This takes us to dangerous territory as we base our judgement on something which might be completely erroneous. It is important to understand our partner. In fact one of the most important parts of communication in a relationship is listening. When you or your partner explains their position you should be able to explain it back to them. So make sure if there are bits you don't understand that you ask them. Similarly you should expect no less from them.
Of course the way you discuss issues is important. You should avoid statements which are accusatory. "You always do this to me... " Explain it from your point of view and own what you are saying. "I felt abandoned at the party last night... " The first of these statements might make your partner very defensive and they may feel they have to justify their own position. The second offers the opportunity to discuss the situation and understand how the issue arose. It offers a way for partners to understand each other better and change their behaviour accordingly. Sulking, resentment and temper tantrums will not help the situation, but in a relationship where these have been the norm it can be hard to change habits and you may want to consider a third-party such as a counsellor to help you.
In reality dealing with relationship problems is hard, sometimes it is awkward, yet in reality the strongest relationships are the ones where both partners can communicate effectively with each other and really have a shared responsibility for the issues that arise. There are going to be relationship issues, discussion offers a way to find a compromise acceptable to both. Even when an issue cannot be resolved at least there is the knowledge that you have discussed all the options and that while you may have to accept something unwanted, you have been honest about the problem and both partners understand that you are doing it for the relationship.
In conclusion, learning to communicate effectively in relationships allows you to head off relationship breakdowns, especially when that happens step by step. It offers the opportunity to prevent resentment and ensure that both you and your partner feel fully heard. Conflict may come into every relationship but breakdown need not as long as you learn to communicate effectively.
Graeme is an Author and counsellor liveing and working in Glasgow, Scotland
He runs his own practice (Considerate Counselling)
You can read more of his articles at http://www.consideratecounselling.org.uk/Blog/
You can read more about relationships here http://www.consideratecounselling.org.uk/Blog/tag/relationships/
Article Source:
http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=G_F_Orr
He runs his own practice (Considerate Counselling)
You can read more of his articles at http://www.consideratecounselling.org.uk/Blog/
You can read more about relationships here http://www.consideratecounselling.org.uk/Blog/tag/relationships/
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