Marriage Counseling: Knowing Your Error

By Elaina P. Camp


Marriage counseling does not just let you apologize for the mistake you or your partner did. The most crucial part of saying sorry for the mistake you did is to know what precisely happened. This is because a lot of people try to apologize for a mistake using their perception of the things they did. In apologizing, you need to know how your partner believes what happened.

The next thing you need to do is to know your part in the situation. This must be difficult, but knowing how your behavior contributed to the situation will let you apologize effectively. Another problem that you'll encounter is getting caught up on "who's right and who's wrong" scenario. In marriage counseling, you'll be able to know how to understand what your partner believes what you did or did not do.

Know Why It Happened

You cannot keep something from happening again if you don't know why it happened. Without any clue on why it happened, you might repeat the same mistake without you knowing it. In addition, it is going to be very difficult to apologize to your partner if you don't know the reasons behind it. If you explain using unnecessary details, you might get the problem worse in your marriage.

Always remember that an apology is different to an excuse. Marriage counseling lets couples know the difference between these things resulting to a better way of understanding mistakes and apologies. If your partner is apologizing to you, you need to keep in mind that the explanation does not excuse the behavior, but it only sheds some light on it.

Expressing Regret

Apologizing is yet another way of expressing regret on something you did. However, a lot of people try to apologize in a way that they're just forced to do it by saying "Sorry, already" or "What, I said I was sorry". These are the lines you should not be saying when you sincerely apologize to your partner. Always remember that the tone of your voice says more than the words you use.

Admitting Your Mistake

"I am sorry that you reacted that way" or "I am sorry, but you should not have made me do it" are ways of apologizing that keeps you away from being responsible of what you did. Rather, it puts the burden on the injured party, your spouse, which makes the apology ineffective to have a better relationship.

So, how can you apologize that stresses out your responsibility in the situation? Marriage counseling programs informs you how to make it right.

The lines above include the word "you" instead of "I". To accept responsibility when you apologize, you have to use the word "I" like "I'm sorry I did or didn't do it" "I'm sorry I did not have any choice". These lines focus on you as being responsible on the things that happened.

The last thing that you need to do in apologizing is making the effort not to do the same thing all over again. Instead of making promises which aren't really advised in marriage counseling, make the effort to make everything right.




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