Approach anxiety: the enemy of all free guys and the enemy of the game. All guys have it, but few conquer and tame it. Approach anxiety is a fear, a phobia, something that can not be eliminated, but with proper handling and some modifying of your attitude, can be handled.
There are many theories and stupid remedies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to 3 and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic? Come on... There are no quick fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever heard and read. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you have to understand to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Attractive girls don't make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Girls do not by themselves give off some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to explain his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of ability in a task equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge / skill balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in difficulty and ability results in a different experience. When ability exceeds difficulty, you get bored. You get anxiety when challenge exceeds ability.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived ability level matched the perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow whenever you approached a woman. However if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is simply because your perceived challenge level is greater than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.
4) Trying to alter your ability level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to increase your skill level by practicing methods and techniques on girl after girl. This is a flawed approach to conquer technique anxiety since if you depend on other people's responses to change your perception of your present skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl doesn't want to talk with you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- enormous approach anxiety since you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you deal with in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're attempting to do something that is beyond your perceived ability range- like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an interesting conversation" then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That's all!
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocent "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you don't get rid of approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long till Sunday but absolutely nothing will transpire if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, interesting conversations with beautiful women...
There are many theories and stupid remedies to deal with approach anxiety. Self Hypnosis? Positive thinking? 100's and months of cold approaches? Count to 3 and play question games in your mind? Psychotherapy? Voodoo magic? Come on... There are no quick fixes nor is there any one proven method to handle this enemy of mankind. It is tough to acknowledge but there is actually only one way to overcome approach anxiety. That is to change your frame of thinking and mindset.
Forget all the things you ever heard and read. They're all complicated rubbish. Below are the only things you have to understand to handle approach anxiety.
1) Approach anxiety is an illusion created by you
Attractive girls don't make you anxious, you make yourself anxious. Girls do not by themselves give off some gamma ray that makes you feel sick, dizzy, stressed, and dumbstruck. Your inner collection of fears and phobias creates a negative social frame in your mind that when summed up, makes you jello at the idea of approaching an attractive girl.
2) The amount of anxiety you experience doing anything in life is determined by your perception of your skill and the challenge of the activity.
Mihayli Csikszentmihalyi coined the term Flow to explain his scientific investigation of "being in state" or "being in the zone." Being in Flow, state, or the zone just simply is having the perceived level of ability in a task equal to the perceived level of challenge. When you get this challenge / skill balance, you experience flow / state, whereas an imbalance in difficulty and ability results in a different experience. When ability exceeds difficulty, you get bored. You get anxiety when challenge exceeds ability.
3) To overcome your approach anxiety, you need to change your perception of your skill or your perception of the challenge.
If your perceived ability level matched the perceived challenge level for seducing a woman, you would be in Flow whenever you approached a woman. However if you're experiencing approach anxiety, it is simply because your perceived challenge level is greater than your perceived skill. So it stands to reason that if you wish to overcome approach anxiety, you need to modify either the perceived challenge level or your perceived skill level.
4) Trying to alter your ability level to overcome approach anxiety is a flawed method.
You would think that the easiest part to change in this equation is your perceived skill level. You go out and try to increase your skill level by practicing methods and techniques on girl after girl. This is a flawed approach to conquer technique anxiety since if you depend on other people's responses to change your perception of your present skill level then it might work once, twice, or even a few times, but what exactly happens when it does not? What happens when some girl doesn't want to talk with you? Then you're right back to the beginning once again- enormous approach anxiety since you perceive your ability to be less than the perceived difficulty level.
5) To overcome approach anxiety, you need to change the perceived challenge.
The challenge level you deal with in any activity is determined by the purpose you have for the interaction. If you're experiencing anxiety then it's clear you're attempting to do something that is beyond your perceived ability range- like trying to make her attracted to you.
However, if you change your purpose to something achievable, then the perceived challenge will drop and so will the anxiety. If you change your purpose to: "just have an interesting conversation" then the perceived challenge will be well within your perceived skill range.
That's all!
All you need to do is change the frame of your mindset from the super stressful "I'm gonna make her attracted to me" to the innocent "I'm just gonna have a friendly talk with her." This doesn't put any expectation on yourself and therefore no fear of rejection because you're not expecting anything from yourself or the Hot girl.
If you don't get rid of approach anxiety, you'll never overcome the opening phase. Without the opening, you cannot reach the next phase of seduction or the end, right? But again, you can read about theory and how-to's all day long till Sunday but absolutely nothing will transpire if you do not go out, apply, and practice! So get out there and have many friendly, interesting conversations with beautiful women...
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